Lee “Scarecrow” Stetson
Lee turned away from the stairs, scrubbing his hands through his hair. “Damn it.”
“I know.” Despite her sympathetic words, Carrie’s expression was unreadable as she settled onto the couch she’d shared with Joe. Lee considered the love seat, but couldn’t stay still, instead pacing back and forth across the living room floor.
“Please stop,” said Carrie after several minutes. “You’re making me dizzy.”
“I just — how long do you think it’s going to take, up there?”
“As long as it takes,” she answered.
He made a frustrated gesture. “I thought we were through dealing with this sort of thing. But now he’s been in another fi — okay, not a fight, if I understand correctly. What did happen, though?”
“It wasn’t a fight,” she replied. “At least, not on his part.” She calmly explained what had happened. “Jamie’s also upset because they’re transferring him now, instead of waiting until the end of the school year.”
“What?”
“We’re in Swanson’s district, so that’s where he’s going after the holiday break.”
“When did this happen and why wasn’t I a part of the conversation?”
“Because you’re not his parent.” There was a slight emphasis on the last three words. “I wasn’t part of the conversation, either. Joe and Amanda made the decision tonight, before you got over here. The students who taunted him today weren’t the same students as last time.”
The skin under Lee’s collar heated up. “And they’re just transferring him out instead of demanding the school actually do something?”
“Joe sounded like he wants them held accountable. I haven’t yet had a chance to ask.” She sighed, and the expressionless mask that had been on her face briefly segued into something that echoed his own discontent. “It’s the right decision, Lee. Jamie’s relationships with his peers have been too damaged to keep him at Arlington Heights. He would just face one confrontation after the other for the rest of the school year. Better to transfer him out between the semesters instead of doing it in the middle of the next one, after it gets worse. It’s less disruptive that way.”
Lee scrubbed his hands through his hair again. “I guess that’s what right for him, then. I just wish I hadn’t been kept out.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t like being left out, either. Especially since I was in the room when it happened.”
He sighed, giving in and sinking down onto the love seat. “I know I’m still a bit new at this, but this…this has got to be the worst part of step-parenting. To step back when I’m supposed to, I mean. It’s not always as easy as it sounds.”
“No.” She twisted her hands together in a way that reminded him of Amanda. “It’s not. Even when you know it’s coming. All of the experts on step-parenting say that the best thing to do is to love them as if they’re your own. Then they say that you have to always remember they aren’t, and you have to be especially careful not to…”
“…forget they aren’t,” he finished with her. “No matter how much you might disagree with what their parents do. Er, um, what they were doing. Weren’t doing. Did in the past before they came back —” This wasn’t coming out right. “I’ll stop digging this hole before it’s any deeper, especially since I’m in your house.”
She chuckled, although the laughter didn’t reach her eyes. “You haven’t said anything I didn’t say to Joe myself when we were dating.”
Somehow, that acknowledgment made things a little more bearable. However, it didn’t actually ease their shared predicament or give him any ideas how to address the awkward silence that fell between them. Just what were they supposed to do while Joe and Amanda dealt with whatever was going on with their son?
Carrie laughed a little, though it didn’t sound entirely comfortable. “You’re wondering if there’s anything we can do to help them.”
He hadn’t been, but he admitted it was a worthy thought.
“That’s another one of the hard parts. There really isn’t, except to give them the time and space with Jamie that they need.”
Lee sighed, a long release of breath, and forced his shoulders to drop. “Yeah, and waiting’s not fun, no matter what the reason is.”
“I suppose you do encounter that a lot, don’t you?” An edge crept into her voice. “Waiting. Don’t you have to do a lot of that during a — what do you call them? I believe you say stakeouts?”
His back muscles, which had begun to relax, tensed up again. “Yeah, I do a lot of waiting between takes, but it’s not —”
“Lee,” she interrupted. “Don’t. Joe told me what you and Amanda really do. Please don’t be upset. He couldn’t come up with a good explanation when you called to warn him that Dotty and Phillip had been…” she trailed off with a grimace, “…murdered. And he hadn’t liked keeping it from me in the first place.”
He couldn’t quite meet her eyes. “Did he tell you that it has to be kept secure?”
“He didn’t have to,” she replied. “I’m not stupid. I understand why the two of you need a cover identity.”
“IFF really does have a film department,” he pointed out. “We put out a few every year. Educational stuff, documentaries, things like that.”
“I know,” she confirmed. “I’d looked up their library, and I remember being surprised that it was so slender given the amount of work you and Amanda seemed to be doing.” She paused. “But the two of you aren’t involved in the films part, are you?”
He sighed. “No. Other than the fact that I recruited one of the camera operators, and even that happened by accident.”
Her expression was cool. “You told Joe not to tell me. Why?”
He still couldn’t quite manage to meet her eyes. “At the time, the two of you weren’t yet married. And it didn’t seem like there was any need for you to know. I’m going to have to report this conversation, by the way. Alert my section leader that you’re aware.”
“Will there be any repercussions?”
“I don’t think so. But they may run a background check on you, just to be sure. It won’t be as extensive as the ones Amanda and I had to pass, but is there anything I should warn them about?”
“No. I’m just…” Her voice rose a little. “Why didn’t you trust me?”
“It’s not that simple. I’ve trusted you for a while, and especially after the way we’ve talked since…well, since that night at the hospital. Before then, neither Amanda nor I knew that much about you. Joe only found out because he was involved in a case —”
“He told me about that,” she confirmed. “But we are married now, and we have Jamie in common. Don’t you think we both should be aware of potential dangers around your jobs? At least as far as they affect Jamie?”
“You and Joe and Jamie are perfectly safe!” He barely remembered to keep his voice down. “Amanda and I go to a lot of effort to keep things that way. Look, there are other agents with families, and there’s a whole set of protocols and regulations around the topic. Plus there are classes that they can take, and…” a new thought hit him. “Is that what you’re asking me about? Do you and Joe think you need to take them?”
“It probably would be a good idea, but no, that’s not what I’m asking. I didn’t even know those were an option before.”
“Then what’s bothering you?”
“Try to see this from my perspective. First, I find out that you and Amanda got married even before Joe and I did. Then I find out the two of you are spies —”
“Intelligence operatives.”
“Call it whatever you want. What other secrets are you keeping?”
He was honestly confused. “What? Most of the secure information is about our operations, our assets, that sort of thing.”
“That’s not what I meant,” she snapped. “I mean, what else haven’t you and Amanda told Joe or me, that we really ought to know?”
“That’s all. Those are — those were — the only secrets.”
“How do I know you’re telling the truth about that?” she pressed. “The reason I can’t stand secrets is because they have a way of blowing up in your face at the worst possible time! How do I know there isn’t something else lurking out there?”
Lee took a long, steadying breath, and made himself meet her eyes. She was angry, yes, but there was no little amount of hurt beneath that. And fear, he realized. She was speaking from experience, from the point of view of someone who’d been deeply betrayed by keeping secrets. A part of him wondered what had happened, but right now, that wasn’t the point.
“Carrie,” he began. “I promise you. There are no more secrets. I don’t know what I can offer to prove that, except to ask you for time and to trust your instincts. From what I’ve seen, yours are almost as good as Amanda’s, and hers make her an amazing agent. We kept this from the Dotty and the boys so we they wouldn’t be scared, but we likely were going to tell them about the marriage soon anyway.” He paused for a breath. “We should have brought you into the loop sooner, and I’m sorry we didn’t. You know now, and I’ll talk to Amanda, make sure we don’t leave you standing in the dark again.”
“Except that just a few minutes ago, you were sticking to your story about being a director. How am I supposed to believe you now?”
“We need to keep up the film cover,” he replied. “At least, in front of Jamie. And to his school, and his friends, and their parents. Everyone except you and Joe. People who need to know what it is we really do.”
She considered that for a long time before nodding. “All right. You were honest about that, at least. And you didn’t try some outlandish method of convincing me. You just played it straight by explaining it would take time and patience.”
Lee nodded.
“I’ll try to give you that space. I want to believe you, you know.”
“You can,” he assured her.
She gave him an inscrutable look, but the silence they lapsed into was somewhat more comfortable than it had been before. After several minutes, Carrie stood up.
“Is something wrong?” Lee asked.
“No. I just forgot a few things still needing doing in the kitchen. It’ll give me something to do while we wait.”
“Can I help?” He was trying to tread as carefully as he could.
They worked with a minimum of speech as she cleaned out the refrigerator into the trash can and then gave the kitchen a thorough once-over, including sweeping and dry mopping the floor. But when she closed the trash bag and started to carry it outside, he took it out of her hands. “It’s getting cold out, and the compactor’s pretty far away. Why don’t you pour yourself a glass of wine?”
It seemed as though she might demur, but at the last moment she bobbed her head and let go. Lee took care of the chore quickly, since it really was cold out and he wasn’t anxious to hold onto the trash bag any longer than he had to. By the time he came back in, he was wondering if he could ask her for a glass of whatever she’d gotten for herself. Maybe he’d even make something for all of them, since Joe and Amanda might very well need a drink when they got back down.
“Hey, Carrie,” he called into the living room. “You still have that wine out? If you’d like, I can use it to make mulled wine for all of us.”
She appeared in the doorway. “I do, but it’s…” she trailed off. “We’re in my kitchen. I’d like it if you taught me how.”
“Sure.” He began listing ingredients, which she pulled out and lined up on the counter. As she stepped in front of him to remove a pot from a lower cabinet, he looked over what she’d laid out, making sure everything was there. That was when he saw the pamphlet lying on the back of the counter.
“What’s this?” he asked, pulling it out.
She froze. “What’s what?”
“This pamphlet. It’s — from the International Rescue Committee?” He met her eyes. “‘Tips for Your Deployment’?”
Carrie nearly snatched it from his hand. “It doesn’t concern you.”
“It might!” he countered. “You mind explaining what this is all about?”
She drew herself up. “Yes,” she said. “I mind. Joe and I wanted to talk to the two of you together —”
“Talk to us? Does this mean what I think it means?”
“Parlez moins fort!” she snapped. “Le garçon pourrait nous entendre.”
He made the language switch. “What if he does overhear? He’ll find out sooner or later, won’t he?”
She closed her eyes, inhaling and exhaling before re-opening them. “All right. Yes. We’ve been offered posts in Côte d’Ivoire. We’d been hoping for Algeria, but the EAO couldn’t place us together. The IRC could, and they’ve agreed to let us come back and visit at least two or three times a year.”
He slammed the pamphlet down on the counter, making her jump. “Are you insane?”
“It’s something we both want.”
“You’re going to just abandon your family after everything that’s happened? I don’t believe this!” He began pacing again, stalking from one side of the small kitchen to the other. “All this talk about secrets and then I find out you’re keeping them!”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “That’s why we wanted to talk to you together.”
“Turn the offers down. There’s got to be something you can do here in the States.”
She shook her head. “We’ve already accepted them. It was our decision to make.”
“You’ve already — how could you be so selfish?” he asked. “What are you going to do if Jamie needs his father?”
“Joe needs to do this!” she cried. “So do I. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be…us. I — I told you, when he and I first started dating, that I told Joe he shouldn’t have gone to Estoccia when the boys were toddlers. But Jamie’s in seventh grade now. He’ll understand, and if it’s a true emergency we’ll be able to get back.”
“And what about any children you and Joe have?”
“We aren’t planning to have any. Not that that’s any of your business.”
“Maybe not,” he allowed, “but it is my business that you’re going to hurt Jamie again. You really think it’s going to be different just because, this time, he’ll understand you’re leaving him again?”
“That’s not fair!” she exclaimed. “You and Amanda have left him plenty of times when you’re off on one of your cases. And until tonight, you didn’t even tell me the truth about where you go or what you were doing! What’s going to happen when one of you gets kidnapped or, God help us, hurt or even killed, and he won’t even be allowed to know why?”
The words hit him like a gut punch, and Lee turned away toward the door. Carrie busied herself putting away the cooking ingredients. Her movements were jerky and uncoordinated, and she ended up knocking other things askew as she did so.
“Carrie,” he finally said. “Just stop, will you?” It was only after the words came out that he realized he’d spoken them in English.
She complied, although she wouldn’t turn back to face him.
“When,” he finally managed, switching back to French, “are you planning on breaking the news?”
“Soon. He’s not ready to hear it yet.”
“He might not ever be. Did you ever think of that?”
“Yes. We’ll have to tell him eventually anyway.”
“Don’t wait that long,” he told her, his voice calmer now. “Tell him as soon as this blows over, once he’s found his footing in the new school. Amanda and I…well, you know we kept the marriage secret for eight months. When it finally did come out, the way it came out, the way Jamie in particular had to learn about it…” a lump rose in his throat. “I can’t think of a worse way for it to have come up. Not to mention that we never got to tell Phillip or Dotty.”
She slowly turned around. “Lee,” she said quietly, “we’re going to get through this. All of this, and all of us. It’s going to take time, and strength, and probably a few more heartaches, but —”
Her words were interrupted by Joe’s and Amanda’s arrival in the kitchen, both of them pale-faced and almost dragging their feet.
“Is he all right?” he asked, switching back to English for Amanda’s benefit.
“For now,” his wife replied. She didn’t look entirely steady.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes. We should go, though. Jamie’s going to stay over.”
“Okay.” He followed her back into the living room so they could get their coats. Carrie and Joe followed them.
“Lee,” said Joe. “Thank you for coming over. And for giving us space with Jamie.”
He finished helping Amanda into her coat before turning and squarely meeting the other man’s eyes. “Il faut qu’on parle. Le plus vite possible.” We need to talk. As soon as possible.
Carrie closed her eyes, turning away again.
“Ce n’est pas encore fini,” he told her as they opened the door. This isn’t over yet. And it wasn’t. Not by a long shot.